Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
