And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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