So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
