If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
