I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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