you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
