roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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