we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
