He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
