Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
