where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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