and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
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It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
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I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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