Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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