around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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