We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
