I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
