Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
