He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
