Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
