dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
