Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
