My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
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