this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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