i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
