No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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