what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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