Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
