im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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