And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
