A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
