i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
