this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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