the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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