new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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