I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
