dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
