And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Why are your pants in the freezer?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
