I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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