Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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