I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
