I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
