just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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