So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
