Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
