I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
