Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
