So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
