I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
