That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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