why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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