So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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