so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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