return my video game
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
