He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
