i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
