Jerry, you need to find god
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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