A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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