Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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