i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
