the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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