I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
