Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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