haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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