Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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