did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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