I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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