Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
