She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
