no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
