Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Dick very happy bro
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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