I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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