You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
