My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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