Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
