So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
They are going to name an STD after you.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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