Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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